Jews Are From Mars . . . Or Perhaps From Ross 128

Well, not really Ross 128 itself, because Ross 128 is a star. Like our own sun, it is a star that has a planet near it that looks habitable. Astronomers have not yet named Ross 128’s nearby, possibly-habitable-planet. But since Mars does not seem to be able to sustain human life, then let us assume that Jews are from that planet circling Ross 128. Unless you do not really believe that Jews are human, in which case we really could be from Mars.

But why all this discussion about the extraterrestrial origin of the Jews? Because we apparently do not come from anywhere on Earth. If you believe the antisemites spewing anti-Israeli propaganda, then you believe that all the ancient archeological artifacts found in the Land of Israel are not relics of Judaism but, rather, of the ancient peoples from whom the Palestinian Arabs claim they are descended. That means that the Jews are colonizers and occupiers in Israel — we are really Europeans, you see. (I do not know how we are supposed to classify the Jews from Arab lands, but, regarded by some as second-class Jews in Israel, they may not matter much to anyone anyway. So we can just ignore them, even if they are about half of our population. :-J  )

If Jews are really European colonizers occupying a foreign land, then we need to go back to Europe. But Europe has made it quite clear they do not want us back. Long ago, they kept telling us to go to Palestine when the Land of Israel was named Palestine for simplicity sake (simplest way of erasing the Jewish history people seem to want to forget ever existed). And now that we are finally mostly gone from Europe, they have demonstrations in the streets telling us we should die.That is why I think they do not want us back. That is why I think that is not where we came from.

I also do not think we are from Iraq or any other Arab country because nobody is telling us to go back there. While some are telling Jews from the USA and Canada to go back there, I do not think that is where we really came from because, in fact, Jews in the USA and Canada only got there a few short generations ago. Everyone knows they came mostly from Europe. But we are not from Europe, so we are back where we started.

As colonizers, we should go back to where we came from. That much is crystal clear. And if that is not Israel or Europe or North America or Arab countries, then the only place it could possibly be is outer space.

And I think that makes perfect sense. We could say that the ancient archaeological artifacts found in the Land of Israel are really just stuff we beamed down from our far-off galaxy to fool everyone into thinking we are from here. Just like the Black Stone of Kaaba — you did see the movie, 2001, did you not? (It does quite amuse me to see all those Muslims walk religiously around the Kaaba without knowing that we extraterrestrial Jews planted it there.)

In any case, we now have a choice – do we stay here and fight the exhausting seemingly endless battle to prove that the Land of Israel is the Jewish indigenous homeland against the noisy propaganda of the multitudinous antisemites on planet Earth who want us gone? Or do we take off and find more peaceful pastures elsewhere, knowing that our Jewish spirituality resides within our souls?

When I am feeling almost totally drained by the hatred, I feel like calling out: “Beam me up, Moishele!” But that moment passes and I know that Israel is in my heart and in my soul and there is no place else that I am from but here.

Feature Image Credit: clker.com